Dear 17 year old me,

Dear 17 year old me,
I know you're scared, and life seems out of reach. But you are living your life right now. Stop worrying so much about proving everyone right, and stop trying to be so good. Be a little bad for once. Drink a little, and spend a little on things other than materials. Furthermore, you have a style. Stop worrying about your sexuality, and start expressing yourself. Your sexuality will be over soon. Trust me.
Stop worrying about the fact that you are a big baby. To be honest, you're only 17 living in a country on your own! It's ok to be a baby still.
Also, stop dressing like a boy, just to hide your body, stop dressing bad just to spend less money. Spend money dude!
Also, stop gathering waste material. Simplicity is the answer.
And don't punish your self. You are good at what you do. Just do it! Learn to love your self a bit sooner, to save me some trouble.  STOP TRYING TO IMPRESS PEOPLE. You are pretty amazing already, and the ones that should are already impressed by you. Instead try running after people that impress you, and learn a thing or two. Make more Erasmus friends. They have a lot to teach you. And I love you for all your experiments. But at the end of the semester is where the experiments need to end, and you need to just do the basics. That's all you need.
And I know that you don't know how to place all the pieces together, just give it some time, everything will put itself together when the time comes. Stop hating your self over these things.

Even if you ignore all of it, seriously. I just need you to be kinder to your self and love your self and love your body. You are a good human. And you have a nice body. And the love in your heart is radiant right now. Don't let go of that. Don't be angry, stop punishing your self. You will have a hard time getting back. Please just be happy.

Love Always
Anna-Maria

Dear Dad.

Dear dad,

I wish sending you a letter would make you understand. I wish it could fix things. I wish people could change, and then you could change too.

Sometimes it makes me angry to know I'm broken the same way you are because it scares me that I also won't be able to accept love from the people that sacrifice so much for me. I wish we were more important to you than convincing people you are things you really aren't. and I wish you could get it through your head that we are here and are never leaving. We will not leave you no matter how much you push. We don't care if you did something with your life or not, we don't care about you trying to impress us... All we care about is you. Helping you through your health issues, helping you understand that we are a team. Everything we do is so that we can all be better. You don't need to prove something to us, we know everything. We know all your talents and we know that there are things you are good at. Even if you don't know this about yourself.

 Dad, I wish you could be honest. honest with yourself, honest with us, honest with everyone around you! nobody gives a shit about anyone but themselves. why do you think they would care about you? why do you think that so much that you are willing to throw us under a bus.
I wish I could send you a letter that made you realize all of this. but I can't...


Love always
-Anna-Maria

Dear Adel.

Dear Adel,

Life is weird sometimes. Isn't it? i can't help but feel like i owe you a huge thank you. I was broken into a million pieces before you come. We all were. Mom, Emma and I. We were hungry and hurt and alone. Somehow you brought us together. That is normally Harmony's job because you are the person of righteousness. But this time around you became what we needed you to be.

I do want to apologize for letting go. For making you collect all of my pieces and carry the burden all on your own, and i know now that parts of you were broken too, and i wish i knew this earlier. I wish i had realized soon enough to help you pick yours up too. I'm sorry i let you carry all of my weight all on your own. But thank you for doing it anyway!

I hope you find whatever you are looking for. I wish you the best! If ever you need someone to glue all your pieces together, i have a glue for that now! Just let me know when you are ready!

I love you always!
Anna-Maria.